A new experience

After a long year of struggle I finally become pregnant on January 2014, this pregnancy was sooo desired. At the beginning of my pregnancy it was not easy at all, I was throuwing up everyday, not able to eat anything, all food oders were disgusting me…etc. Also my mental health was not helping.And moreover, I had nobody to help me at home while I was extremely tired, even my husband was not helping because is very very lazy 🙂 he prefers to order food than prepare it, and that was so annoying for me. My relationship with my husband was a bit difficult, my hormons turned up side down causing an imbalance and mood changes and that was not very appreciated by my husband who didn’t understand it simply bcz he was not living it like me. Few months later we moved to a new flat in a better neighberhood, we did this because the one we were living in was a bit far from my workplace, and didn’t had an elevator (we were living at the 3rd floor).

Around my sixth month of pregnancy I felt a bit better, my mood swings have declined as my body adjusts to the hormonal changes, which allowed me to live my pregnancy more serenely. I started to enter the kitchen, make plans, be able to go to work…etc. to live almost normally. These changes resulted on my relationship with my husband, I felt that he started to love me more, he become more attentive and warm. My belly attracted him like a magnet, he had all the time the desire to touch it.

It lasted like that until the day of the deliverey. I was so stressed that day, I gave birth by caesarean, it was hard the first days after the operation, my belly was hurting me a lot, but I finally had the chance to meet my baby girl, we called her “Line”, she is so cute and our love toward her is undescribable. We received so much gifts frm family and friends (clothes for line, Money, toys…etc). And all the family was visiting Line almost everyday. Suddenly, relatives and even acquaintances have endless stories and advice about child rearing 🙂

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Unfortunately life is not easy when the baby enters the life of a couple who is used to live alone! Our love to her is huge, but between my husband and I things seems to go from bad to worst, I feel that I became just “the mother of his daughter”, we talked a lot about that but he always says that this is not true and that his feelings didn’t change while I know that what I noticed is real, I’m no longer at the forefront of his mind and I have many reasons to think like that.

Now I’m disappointed how our relationship turned from very strong to the weakest ever even if from my side my feelings are the same like before. What is most important now is my sweet little girl, if one day we decide a separation, at least I have a sweet little doll that will fill me with love and that’s enough for me.

Having a child is something amazing even if it can be hard sometimes, if I had to turn back time I would still want to have Line, which is the best thing that happened in my life. Maybe what I would do is to prepare myself for that change and be ready to handle it.

Add a comment December 31, 2014

It has been 2 y…

It has been 2 years now that I didn’t write anything in my blog, after getting into my actual job and after getting married I forgot what time management means. So thinking about myself became the last thing that goes through my mind and sharing my ideas became even harder, but Lately I decided to overcome the situation. I started by taking back my yoga classes in order to boost my energy, and I also decided to NOT work more than I should or remain at work after working hours. These two small resolutions made me happier for the moment. And I strongly believe that if I want to be even happier, I need to change my job to work in something less boring than the bank bureaucracy, something where I can use my creativity and have some fun. Unfortunately the crisis obliges everyone (almost) to keep one’s job because we already know how hard it became to change it.

The thought that I want to share in this post is my opinion about today’s Moroccan society where the intolerance increases with time, where people are becoming more and more materialists, where a girl is called “a spinster” if she is 30 years old and didn’t get married yet, where it is normal if a boy has a girlfriend but a shame if a girl has a boyfriend and the worst is that even youth people think like that it became a part of our culture ! 

Anyhow, I cannot do anything but hoping this king of mentalities will change soon !

Add a comment October 3, 2012

maslow you are simply a genius

Well, there is a long time i didn’t write on my blog bcz of many reasons, suddently this morning i had this desire to write in it! Grrrrr i’m so internally angry, i hate how 2010 made my life so eventless! is it the case for everyone getting old?? Or is it only me? it doesn’t meet at all the expectations I had when I was younger, i was imagining my self having a perfect life, with the perfect husband, having also a perfect job. Ok i can say that i have the perfect fiance, and a good job (actually i didn’t mention that i succeeded to get a job in a prestigious bank in Morocco named BMCI :D) but where is this perfect life, what is missing?

If I have to analyse this situation through the maslow’s pyramid, i can say that my physiological needs are already met! Human beings need to breathe, drink, eat and sleep to live. So far, so good, everything is fine until now.

Come after the needs of safety. Security is as wide word: by car we put a belt for our security, the money provides security (housing, employment, etc.), good health is a security, having parents who care of us and provide us with the best they can to make us feel good is also a security (I’m lucky to have this advantage in my current life, I should take the advantage of those beautiful moments now that i’m still not married 🙂 ) until now everything is fine.
Then, the love and belonging needs, at this level of my existance, i can say that i belong to a sweet family full of love and warm feelings. Besides, I have a sweet fiance who loves me and to whom I say thank you for all the efforts he is making right now to build our future. But still, the issue occurs at this level of the pyramid, friendship has a very important impact on our lives, and my loved ones are far from me, some of them are in other countries (you will certainly recognize yourselves :p) and the others are in Morocco but not in Rabat (you will recognize yourselves too :D), of course i have others that I love too and who live in the same city where I am but we don’t have the tendency to meet each other every week or to daily ask abt each other’s lives. Maybe should I do something to change this situation? Any suggestions? Am I normal to feel sad or is it just a stupid way to see things? I don’t know :s
After, comes a milestone, the esteem: No one can estimate you if you do not feel … This is a first important rule … If you do not know what you’re worth, you can show it naturally, idem for the opposite. We need you to realize your own worth, you know that everyone must respect you, and nobody has the right to treat you badly. This is a crutial thing to keep in mind especially for the professional life.
And finally, the self-actualization, imagine that you enjoy your time with your family, you learn as adults to love the right way your parents, who do love surround you with their love too, that you enjoy every moment with your friends, that you love your job, that you love yourself , you care and do everything to make yourself happy.  Then, be sure of one thing, your life will be just perfect! I hope one day I will reach that level of happiness. Anyhow (as my lovely preeti always says with a girly tone :p) everything is easy to say but even not difficult to reach 😉 Still waiting for suggestions though 😀 

Add a comment October 30, 2010

Waiting for that “Plus”

After Mohamadia’s event, I had a free week that I didn’t benefit from, I was almost of the time staying home, chating on facebook or doing another stupid thing waiting for 7pm because my fiance works every day until 7pm then comes to pick me up after work to take a cup of coffee somewhere or to have dinner. The week after, which is last week, I spent it working in JAJ “Jeux africains de la jeunesse”, it’s a new event organized by HLO (the organization I’m working in as a freelancer” and by the Moroccan ministry of sports. For this time I wasn’t assigned important tasks so I was almost free to enjoy my time in Bouznika, I used to spend my day walking around, talking with different people that I know and that I’ve just met there, playing with a cart… then working! It was really good, there were Salwa with me all the time, she’s very sweet, she’s my little sister’s friend and now she became my friend too.Yesterday was my last day of work, I wanted to stay in the site after work to have some fun with salwa and the others but unfortunately I felt sick at the end of the day (sore throats, colds..) so I needed to go back home.

Now that the event is over, I need to look for a real job, I really need that, I started hating being home, I feel bored 😦 I need a plus in my life cause I feel that something is missing I don’t know what is it, maybe fun? I also need to have Rita my little sister back home, I didn’t see her since 20 days, she went to the USA for holidays, I really looking forward to see her and to see her gifts for me :p she’s coming back on the 1st of August. At least when she is here I cannot be bored, we are always hanging out together somewhere 🙂

This is all about my days, nothing special! Now I’m planning to start watching “Desperate housewives” I find it very amazing, I stopped at the 3rd saison and now I will continue watching the rest of it, I bought the whole saison to watch it whenever I wish. A friend of mine adviced me to see “Gossip Girl” too, she said it’s good too, so I’ll buy it as soon as I finish the one I bought.

Add a comment July 19, 2010

Life is beautiful but still…weird

It’s now almost one month that I’m a jobless girl, I’m really enjoying that and I’m not seriously looking for a job like an adult! Maybe because I’m disgussed about the Moroccan mentality or the Morrocan way of working and treating coworkers! Or because I’m not ambitious anymore… I really don’t know what is happening inside of my head, what I know for the moment is that I need rest. However, I accepted to work for a short period in an event in a small city next to Rabat, it’s named “Mohammadia” what is amazing in that work is that I will earn in only one week more than what I used to earn in that fucking stupid job at Label’vie, moreover, I will be surrounded by amazing funny people. So excited!!!!

Besides, now that I’m a jobless girl, I became more busy than before, isn’t it soo crazy!! The whole day long I have something to do, what the fuck!! I read once about Gemini people that they are always busy, it sounded funny then, but now I will start to believe it.

If I have to state what I’m doing everyday since I left my job, I cannot remember, I did soo many different things everyday :p but I’m happy for being free bcz I could meet my dear friends Kawtar (my dear school friend), she’s working in Casablanca and living there this is why I cannot see her frequently 😦 and Constantina my greek girl that I met in Tunisia, it was short though I enjoyed seeing them.

As for my love story, ups and downs are always here like usual, but we still cannot overcome our different problems which makes me unhappy about it, I hope we’ll be better together soon otherwise…

Add a comment June 26, 2010

I’m free whohooooo

Today it’s my 4th day being a jobless girl!!! I feel free after quitting this dirty environment, I call it dirty because there were no team spirit, no respect, no humor, nothing good to share with these people, and the big issue is that it was a marketing department which means that those people were supposed to have had communication classes and trainings but I don’t understand how they couldn’t get anything from it!

The department was composed of three sub-departments: one of communication (where I was working), one of research and study of competitors, and the third one is customer relationship. Since we were working in an openspace, we were all sitting beside each other, this should normally involve a kind of respect in order to let others work in peace but instead of working as humans, I felt like working in a jungle, I was hearing them gossiping the whole day, saying some vulgare words to the others, it was ridiculous! I dont understand how people can work in such conditions, it’s like if they are not going to work, they are just willing to fight. And the worst is that if you are a member of the communication team, you’ll not have the right to talk with the customer relationship team or the team of competitive research even if you find them nice and friendly! I was so disgussed! I just couldn’t continue working with people like that, I couldn’t behave in a way that doesn’t look like me, I tried to adapt but in vain.

Besides, my tasks at work were so minor, I felt like doing just the donkey work, I really don’t deserve that, I have many skills and competencies that I don’t use, I was just underestimated in that position which made me so sad. So now I’m happy to have left that stressful environment and to be free again to look for a job that really suits me, something that I deserve!

I think my sadness was due to my work conditions because now I feel soo good! In my opinion, nothing worths loosing our good energy right?!!

Sometimes I regret why I didn’t say explicitly that they were so stupid, and why I didn’t inform my  boss about what is going happening inside his department! Anyhow, it’s too late now and I’m happy to be far from this place!!!

Add a comment June 7, 2010

OMG what’s going on!

I’m finding myself in a difficult phase where everything falls on me. It’s like a storm. Everything happens to me at the same time. Sometimes we must reach the bottom, reaching our maximum level of stress, then feel better. I became very stressed and I cannot cope with all this. Now I still didn’t regain control. Hope I’ll feel better soon 😥

It’s so weird, I’ve never felt like this before, I was always strong and positive, why did I change negatively like that??

Add a comment May 26, 2010

Transition

With the transition from the student life to the professional one, new emotions were created step by step inside of me… I feel a kind of sadness, and pessimism… this is all what I’m living for the moment. I feel very unhappy and I wasn’t aware why, I was thinking that it is only because I’m not very satisfied about my tasks at work and about some behaviors of my fiance but the reality is that actually my life has changed radically. I used to have a lot of friends with whom I had plenty of fun during my higher education at ILCS, then during my internship in Tunisia I met a lot of new people and made extradinary strong relationships but now I feel a little bit lonely, I’m far from my Moroccan friends because I’m always at work and also because our friendship started to be lost since we don’t meet anymore. Concerning my other dear friends or “Tunisian family” met in Tunisia, we are still in touch but it’s not like if we meet or plan for things together as we used to do! This led me to a kind of social isolation and it’s so fucking painful 😦

So I decided to add a new resolution among the ones I made in January 2010: Never loose friends.

1 comment May 24, 2010

Between Label’vie and home

work work and work, this is all what I do during the week. I love working however I need some time for myself, to meet my friends, spend some time with my fiance and to play sport. Hopefully, according to my boss, our schedule at label’vie  is going to change starting from next month! So, I’m waiting impatiently for next month!! Besides, there will be a famous local festival in few days in Rabat that some famous international artists will attend such as: Mika, Sting, Elton John, Carlos Santana, and a lot of other artists from different countries. The festival “Mawazine” will last for 10 days in different stages in the city. I used to work in the festival when I was a student, I was in charge of some artists’ welfare, then, I had the chance to meet George Benson, Solomon Burke, Ali Campbell, Juanes, … In addition, I was lucky enough to attend a lot of great shows for free. I will feel weird during the festival this year since I’m not working in it, but it’s ok this is life and we have to move on, if I see things from a positive side I can say thay I have a real job now so I can pay my ticket bill :p

Besides, I started a research recently about yoga and pilates clubs in Rabat in order to register for next month since i’ll have more time for myself  and I should benefit from it! Then I can use the blue carpet left by my dear preeti while she came to visit me in Morocco. I just hope to find a club that suits my schedule as well as my budget. For the moment I still didn’t find something interesting but I’m sure I will!

2 comments May 13, 2010

Memories

Time goes very fast, it’s already 4 months that I left Tunisia, 2 months that I started working, 1 month that i’m engaged, it’s unbelievable! Before coming back to my dear country Morocco, I wasn’t realizing that my experience will end as fast as it did. But still, I’m happy with my life right now, I feel I’m lucky to have had a lot of wonderful moments with wonderful people, and to be now with a very special person that I love so much and with whom i’m ready and extremely happy to spend all my life and share everything.

What amazed me most in my experience is the diversity I was living in, I wasn’t aware that I was learning in a daily basis, it’s only when I came back to my country that I realized it, my mentality has changed, my habits, my critical thinking has been developped, my english as well!

I also discovered the Tunisian culture, and knew the differences between Tunisia and Morocco. Even if we are both in Africa, we are both arabs, our subcultures are different. I had a lot of fun comparing our languages with my Tunisian friends, especially Omar, Karim and Thameur.

Well, I hope we’ll meet again in 5 years in Paris as we agreed! Maybe we’ll see what each one of us has become, how do we look like… It would be awesome!

1 comment April 29, 2010

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